The Secondary House Misses Out

With school starting this week, it’s always a harsh reminder of the reality of our custody arrangement and how much our household misses out on the day-to-day of K’s life; those moments that you can’t split up in even and odd years in custody court… The first day of school, getting braces on, or getting ready for her first middle school dance. So, the secondary house plays second fiddle and misses out. In our situation at least…

Doesn’t someone always miss out though? The whole concept is splitting a child’s time in two, between two houses, with two families, someone is always bound to miss out on something, right? The “firsts” in life can’t be scheduled… Like losing a tooth, for example. In her whole life she has never lost one at our house. Things like that are not the same as every other year’s Easter schedule.


I have always been so envious of those with amazing blended families who share holidays and can all sit around one table for Thanksgiving… We have unfortunately never had that! I hope for my dear K’s sake that we could get close to that someday but it doesn’t even seem like it’s in the realm of possibility as I write this today. Try as we may it’s just not our situation… Luckily, we at least have gotten to the point where bio mom shares a texted photo on some of these occasions and that itself is leaps and bounds further than where we were eight years ago in the relationship.

After mediation, custody court and countless hours of asking nicely and negotiating directly for more time with her, we have never quite been able to get further than our current situation (two evening visits during the week and every other weekend). So… This is our reality. We have learned to be grateful for the pictures and ask for all the play by play from K on our next visit. No matter how much we may miss out on, we try to focus on what we do have and make the most of that. What do you miss out on in your split custody arrangement?

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